How to Forgive and Move On After an Affair

How do you forgive someone who has betrayed you? This may be one of the most challenging and life-changing tasks of your life. Forgiveness does not mean condoning another person's behavior. Forgiveness means letting go of your judgement of another and being able to see the other person with compassion. It is a necessary step for yourself. By forgiving another, you free yourself to move forward, find peace and acceptance, and get on with your life.

1. Step 1

   Give yourself time. Don't expect to be able to forgive someone immediately. This is a multi-step process and will likely come in stages as you move towards acceptance of what has happened. How much time it takes varies from individual to individual, so don't compare yourself to anyone else.

2. Step 2

   Allow yourself to work through and process your own feelings and emotions before you attempt to forgive your partner's betrayal. Go to see a therapist, journal, read books/articles on affairs, and look at on-line support groups. You must get all the emotions out that you are dealing with. Don't allow anyone to minimize them. These are real, painful, and must be dealt with and expressed so you can heal and move forward.

3. Step 3

   Join a support group. It helps to have a group of people to support you who have been through the same thing. You will find people at different stages in the recovery process. This helps you to see how far you have come and where you are headed. You can find support groups by searching on-line. Support groups are often available at local churches, community centers, or at counseling centers. There are also on-line support groups. I recommend a face-to-face group over an on-line community if possible.

4. Step 4

   As you continue to heal and express all the emotions that have surfaced, you may find yourself able to look at your partner's actions with less anger. When you get to the point where you can listen to and understand the reasons that your partner cheated, you will be on your way. Again, this is not condoning their actions. This is looking at them with compassion and understanding that they acted the way they did to satisfy their own needs. As heartless as this sounds, it helps to understand that their actions were not about you. You are good enough, attractive enough, smart enough, etc... The person they cheated with is NOT in some way better than you! Understand, know, and believe that your partner's actions really had NOTHING to do with you. They were done because your partner needed something and he/she went about getting it in a way that hurt you tremendously.

5. Step 5

   Work to recover your self-esteem. Take small steps every day to nuture, affirm, and love yourself. Eat healthy, exercise, and take quiet peaceful time for yourself every single day. Do things you love even when you feel sad, angry, or confused. Eventually the pain will begin to retreat. At first, you may find only seconds of peace and then it will be minutes. Eventually, you will get to the point where you can get through an hour, two hours, etc... without thinking about what has happened. As you heal, recommit to living your life for yourself. Go back to activities that brought you happiness or take the first step to develop a talent that you always wanted to nourish. As you feel better and better about yourself, your world will begin to seem brighter as well.

6. Step 6

   The more you are able to focus on yourself (your healing, your self-esteem, your recovery), the better you will feel eventually. After you have allowed yourself recovery and healing time, you will get to a place where you have space in your heart to look at your partner with greater compassion. Say every day: "I forgive (Name) and let go of my hurt, anger, and pain." Forgiveness for me came in stages and they were not always consistent. I found myself moving forward and then moving back a step or two. This is normal so be easy on yourself.

7. Step 7

   Set boundaries for yourself. Healthy boundaries are needed for you to recover and heal. It is impossible to heal when you are still in a situation where your partner is cheating or where you don't know if he/she will again or not. If you decide to stay with your partner, set boundaries and limits that allow you to feel safe. If you need to know your partner's schedule to the minute, then state that. You may ask to see their telephone, e-mail, credit card, bank statements etc... to verify that they are telling the truth. That's okay - it is up to your partner to earn your trust back if you want to keep him/her in your life. Regardless of whether you decided to stay with your partner or leave, forgiveness is essential so you can move forward with your own life.

8. Step 8

   A final stage of forgiveness is looking at the good that has come from the situation. What positive experiences, ideas, etc.. came about because of what you went through? In the middle of chaos, there is always opportunity. Take this opportunity to transform your life into something better, brighter, and more empowering than ever before. When you are able to forgive someone who has betrayed you, you will look at the world with a new perspective. You will be more able to separate people from their actions and look at them with compassion rather than judgement. Looking at the world in this way, opens up so many doors for you and those around you. My life has been completely transformed by my experience. I am more grateful for everything in my life because I know it can be taken away at any moment. I am more loving, more compassionate, and more able to forgive because I was able to forgive something that I once thought was unforgivable. I love myself more, take more time for myself, and feel happier and more peaceful than I ever have. I have recommitted to developing myself in every way and being the best woman I can be. Keep in mind that this didn't happen overnight. It's been a little over two years since I found out and I've done a lot of healing work to get to the point I am today.

P/S:

Things You'll Need:

• Time
• Compassion
• New Perspective

How to End an Argument and Forgive Others

1. Step 1

   Remember that tomorrow is not promised. Every minute we have is precious. Why waste it being upset at someone? And what if that person won't be there tomorrow? Being angry is not the way you'd like to remember that person.

2. Step 2

   Let go of who is right or wrong. That is not important. What is important is maintaining a relationship with the person.

3. Step 3

   Think about the reason the argument started. It almost always is something unimportant in the whole scheme of things.

4. Step 4

   Realize that arguments are most often misunderstandings and that hurting you was probably just the end result, not the intention.

5. Step 5

   Make the first move. Especially if you are dealing with a stubborn person. Just call him/her or reach out.

6. Step 6

   Keep in mind that ending an argument is beneficial for both of you. Hurt feelings weigh a lot and can be a burden for both of you.

How to Let Go of The Past

1. Step 1

   The bible says love keeps no record or wrong so why do we keep records. Some people have a naughty list longer than Santa's toy list. When we hold things against people we are actually hurting ourselves. You may say how can you prove this, well here's how. Whenever you think about what someone did to you in the past what happens to your emotions. Are you still jolly like Saint Nicholas, are you still thinking happy thoughts. If you feel your emotions starting to change that is good indication you haven't let go.

2. Step 2

   Of course you can't forget what happened but you can let it go. One of the ways to let it go is to make amend with that person you have something against. Every time you relive that moment you are making it harder and harder to let go. Don't relive your moments make new ones. Whenever you feel yourself starting to journey in the past stop yourself, and start thinking on good things.

3. Step 3

   One thing you can do is write a letter to yourself or to God about everything the person did towards you. After you read the letter take it and burn it. By burning the letter you are symbolizing to yourself that you are letting go. You can also read the letter to the person, sharing how you felt and feel even now about what happened in the past. Sometimes we cant let go because we never got the issue of our chest.

4. Step 4

   As long as your bury your feeling they are still buried. Unless you let them resurface. This is why reading the letter to yourself or to the person will help you to let go. If you have to cry, then cry, but the point is once you let it go don't go back to that place move forward.

How to Hold a Grudge

1. Step 1

   Play the act repeatedly in your mind. Whether it is a harmful word or an action, if you replay it in your head you eventually will attain genuine grudge holding mode. When you actually try to let go of the pain and move on from the incident, it is more difficult to hold a grudge. Why make life hard?

2. Step 2

   Cling to bitterness. This is the key to holding a grudge. No matter who hurt you, retain the bitterness that you feel toward that person for having the audacity to be mean.

3. Step 3

   Retaliate. To really hold a grudge, don't just sit with your pain. The thought of revenge will emerge, and you should take advantage of your need to retaliate.

4. Step 4

   Tell your friends. When telling and retelling a story, it helps to relive the experience and share your pain with others. As your friends begin to take your side and support your grudge, you will find it easier to hold onto.

5. Step 5

   Take the easy route. Forgiveness is difficult. By holding fast to your grudge, you are obeying the words of that Zen sage who advised us to follow the path of least resistance.

How to Stop Holding a Grudge

1. Step 1

   Decide to move on. You expend more energy holding a grudge than you do letting one go. Make the choice to clear up the mental space occupied by this resentment. Once you choose to move on, the grudge will gradually dissipate.

2. Step 2

   Honor your feelings. Resentment builds when emotions go unacknowledged. Take the time to get clear about what you're feeling and why. Take action accordingly. If you have something that needs to be said, say it. If you have already voiced your grievance, then resolve any other feelings yourself.

3. Step 3

   Accept what is. Stop waiting for signs of remorse. Chances are the other person has already put the issue behind them. You may never get an apology, but that doesn't mean you should continue to indulge resentment. Be the bigger person and put the incident behind you.

4. Step 4

   Forgive. Forgiving someone doesn't exempting them from their actions. It doesn't change the facts. If you have been legitimately wronged, then forgiving doesn't mean you have to forget. It does mean that you acknowledge that the person is human and that we all make mistakes.

5. Step 5

   Shift your focus. Look at the good things about the person. Find the positive in the situation. Maybe you learned a lesson and discovered something new about yourself. Changing your viewpoint will help you release resentment.

6. Step 6

   Don't feed the monster. Once you've voiced your resentment and committed to moving on, don't continually talk about the offense. If you find yourself thinking about it, mentally change the subject. If someone brings it up, explain that it's in the past and you don't want to dwell on it

How to Spot True Friends

1. Step 1

   True friends are loyal. Loyalty is a quality we all treasure in our true friends. A loyal friend, as opposed to a "fair weather" friend, is someone who stands by your side and does not abandon you ever, even when (or perhaps especially when) you are going through a difficult time. (In contrast, a "fair weather friend" only sticks around when times are good, and is quick to "abandon ship" when life gets more challenging.) When people are loyal to their friends through thick and thin, this character trait speaks volumes about their inner character.

2. Step 2

   True friends, in addition to being loyal, are also honest. Honesty does not have to be cruel or excessively sharp, mind you. But your true friends should be able to speak to you directly and candidly. When a true friend offers you criticism, it is typically meant to be constructive, not destructive or hurtful. You can usually tell by the way someone offers criticism (and by how you feel when you are on the receiving end of their criticism) whether it is well intended or not.

3. Step 3

   A true friend is often on the same general wavelength with you in terms of humor. This does not mean that the two of you need to have identical senses of humor, but that each of you should "get" (and appreciate) what sorts of things make the other one laugh. People that are not "in synch" when it comes to humor can sometimes have a hard time remaining friends over the course of time because humor is one of those key areas that can bring friends closer or drive them apart. (For instance, if someone persistently uses humor that you find offensive or excessively sarcastic or hurtful, this can be a "red flag" that ultimately calls their character into question for you.)

4. Step 4

   Regarding true friends, it helps when the two of you have a lot of interests and passions in common, but not all of your passions and interests need to intersect exactly with your friend's interests, because it is also enriching (and adds some "flavor" and "texture" to a friendship) when the two of you have some differences in your interests as well.

5. Step 5

   In addition to loyalty, honesty and humor, another way to spot true friends has to do with a particular friendship standing the test of time. As you already know, sometimes talking to an old true friend can be particularly satisfying because your oldest true friends often know the most about your history, and often share the greatest amount of common history with you, which means that each of you has a lot of "insider" knowledge about the other (insider jokes, etc.), and the two of you therefore have a sort of "friendship shorthand" together, where you don't have to rehash a lot of old stories from the very beginning, because you were both there, or you both know what was happening in each of your lives at a particular time.

6. Step 6

   Of course, while older true friends are great for many reasons, including your shared history, newer true friends can be precious to you in other, equally important ways. For instance, you may meet a new true friend by participating in new hobbies and passions, and the two of you may have that particular passion or hobby (such as skiing) in common, whereas your older true friends may or may not share this particular interest with you.

How to Not Hold A Grudge

1. step 1

   Try dwelling more on the positive aspects of people, even the ones who have angered you. When people do things that inflame your anger, it can be very difficult to view such people in a positive light. And you don't have to do so right away. But after some time passes, you may want to reconsider.

2. Step 2

   When making an effort not to hold a grudge, think about all the negative physical effects that holding on to anger (and other negative feelings) can do to a person. Anger causes stress, which in turn can cause ulcers, headaches, elevated blood pressure, and in the long term, even heart trouble.

3. Step 3

   Chances are the person against whom you are holding the grudge is probably not giving you and your thoughts and feelings a second thought, so why devote any more of your emotional energy to them, if they are (most likely) not devoting much emotional energy at all to thinking about you?

4. Step 4

   Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Of course, this can be extremely challenging, but it can also help you to understand where they are coming from and why they behave the way they do. For instance, if the person who angered you is experiencing difficulties of any kind, it helps to remember that people's circumstances and personal struggles can affect their behavior, often in negative ways. This does not excuse their bad behavior, but it can help you understand it. And the more you understand someone and what drives them to do the things they do the easier it is not to hold a grudge against them for too long.

P/S:

Things You'll Need:

• A desire to control your anger and learn how to not hold a grudge against someone who has angered you.