Sunday, May 24, 2009

Searching for someone behind the mirror

Juz now, I was on9 wif a fren who I can barely remember. Seems like he still remember me though.(these dude yg kat cnversation bawah ni lerr..)

yeah, so much 4 me to say and to think. What am I looking 4 actually?? Was that difficult to figure it out?? yes, it is hard..more than I can imagine, because I started to lose myself bit by bit until I don't even realize it's happening. It juz did. Where am I? Who am I for God sake? Rite now, all I can say is that I barely know myself. where are all the confidence, all the memories, all the principles that I used to hold, that I used to touch, those thing that makes me for real, the one I'm not now, the one that I juz left behind until I realize it a moment ago??

I've becoming someone I don't even know that ever exist. Very soft and tiny and thin as thin as a cell layers there it goes. But kinda like I understand myself more now than previous which might be one of the reasons I'm thinking that I've changed rite now in the present. Now, I am mean, selfish, don't bother about what people think of me, don't even turn to others around me.

whereas, in previous, I alway plan for what am I supposed to do if someone is inneed, big hearted, generous, very sensitive, smile bright, hardworker, giving people advices but not very stiff. As rite now, I am more collected, do more thinking, but slow act, more to bad side. well i don't know. kinda confuse rite now.

I'm totally fucked up. I'm confiuse. I can't find the real me. these give me a headache. I feel like crying while reminiscing. I don't know.. I'm sucks. Egypt do change people either for good or for worst.

Thanks Izat, if it wasn't u, I will never realize how nice I was and I might lose myself as time goes by. Damn!! I'm totally fucked up.

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